declaration
the senate joins the house in authorizing bush to declare war on iraq. the world feels very unsteady. very unsafe. everything going on right now makes me want to just erase us all and start us over again. i'm writing a paper on justice. hesiod says the gods will destroy those who promote injustice, start over with a new race of beings. i just want to erase this. i just want to say that we have failed. we have failed in this.
and the part that makes me sick is that this is just one of a number of stair-step atrocities which have made me lose my injured faith over and over again.
my paper seems very inane right now. my studies--all useless. but every time i think the world is ending, it comes back to its feet, a little worse than before, or maybe a lot worse, but still standing. america in its glory and its freedom and its bullshit stays standing. i never saw us as much of a monster until recently. i love america, i do, but we are ruining ourselves. we will wear ourselves away in our preoccupations with the inane and our fundamental misunderstanding of the point.
and this bubble, funded by america, will continue to function along with countless other bubbles across the nation until they are physically unable. that is what we are good at. keeping our priorities constant, even if they aren't the right ones to have. i love my bubble. i don't want it destroyed. i don't want anyone else's destroyed maliciously, either. what frightens me is the prospect that maybe that's the only way we'll learn. though maybe it doesn't matter. maybe we're on an irrevocable path. maybe this is the way things are going to be, consistently worse and worse. maybe it will be another time like world war two--not in the war sense, but in the sense of having such little hope against so great an evil. and then maybe one day we will vanquish it. or be vanquished. are we the evil?
i don't even believe in evil. or i didn't. it hurts to begin to. and it really hurts to begin to believe that maybe i am a part of that evil i never wanted to believe existed. that maybe, in the end, i'm just an instrument of hate. that maybe i will be a fundamental part of the downfall of a life so promising.
but this is not my tragedy. yet.
-jenn-
and the part that makes me sick is that this is just one of a number of stair-step atrocities which have made me lose my injured faith over and over again.
my paper seems very inane right now. my studies--all useless. but every time i think the world is ending, it comes back to its feet, a little worse than before, or maybe a lot worse, but still standing. america in its glory and its freedom and its bullshit stays standing. i never saw us as much of a monster until recently. i love america, i do, but we are ruining ourselves. we will wear ourselves away in our preoccupations with the inane and our fundamental misunderstanding of the point.
and this bubble, funded by america, will continue to function along with countless other bubbles across the nation until they are physically unable. that is what we are good at. keeping our priorities constant, even if they aren't the right ones to have. i love my bubble. i don't want it destroyed. i don't want anyone else's destroyed maliciously, either. what frightens me is the prospect that maybe that's the only way we'll learn. though maybe it doesn't matter. maybe we're on an irrevocable path. maybe this is the way things are going to be, consistently worse and worse. maybe it will be another time like world war two--not in the war sense, but in the sense of having such little hope against so great an evil. and then maybe one day we will vanquish it. or be vanquished. are we the evil?
i don't even believe in evil. or i didn't. it hurts to begin to. and it really hurts to begin to believe that maybe i am a part of that evil i never wanted to believe existed. that maybe, in the end, i'm just an instrument of hate. that maybe i will be a fundamental part of the downfall of a life so promising.
but this is not my tragedy. yet.
-jenn-
posted by Jenn at 10/11/2002 12:33:00 AM
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